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Is it your dream... or theirs?

Updated: Jun 27, 2020

What is your definition of “success?”  Is it YOUR definition or is it someone else’s?

For so many years I thought that my success had to follow the same course as others in the same industry as me.  That my path had to look like their path. Being an entrepreneur has its benefits, one being that you can work your business any way that you want, that you didn’t have to do what anyone told you and you can follow your own road… or better yet, make your own road!!!  I thought my success had to look like what others in the industry were pursuing, even if that wasn’t what I really wanted deep down.

I hit a point in my business that I was chasing others, working my business on their terms and I lost myself, I lost my drive and passion and I wasn’t able to dream anymore, I couldn’t see where to go, I was TIRED!!!!

 When I first started my business, I felt like such a go-getter ALL the time. I had notebook pages full of dreams and visions for what I wanted my business to become, for the level I wanted to accomplish, for the income I wanted to make, but as my business grew I realized those dreams started to fade. I thought something was wrong with me!! I spent hours on hours just trying to figure out what was wrong with my leadership, with me and what was wrong with my business. The energy around that was terrible, no wonder I was unmotivated and uninspired. Don't get me wrong, I loved my business. I loved the community, the life lessons it had taught me, I loved the company I was with and I was so grateful for everything it had given me and the life I was able to build being a single mom... but something was missing.

Some of those dreams and visions I had at the start of my business were my reality for quite a few years already, I had built it!!! But instead of looking at how far I had come, I kept chasing where I was going to go next. Instead of looking and loving what I had accomplished, I thought I needed to still be dreaming for the next thing. Instead of focusing on what I did have or could do, I was focusing on the lack.. what I didn’t have and what I couldn’t do… and lack breeds more lack.  I thought I needed to suck it up and move on to whatever is next… next… next… more… more… more……UGHHH!!!!!! Friggin EXHAUSTING!!!

I was trying so hard to have goals that EVERYONE ELSE wanted me to have, that I THOUGHT I should be striving for and that I NEEDED to have in order to be a success entrepreneur.

Why didn’t I want to chase after more, more more?

Why couldn’t I be happy with where I was at?

Why didn’t I want this business to grow like our industry says we “should?

What the heck was wrong with me?

See, the thing is, when I wanted something, I got it. If I wanted to do something, I do it..... so why was I not doing this.... what was wrong? Friends, nothing was wrong.... I didn't do it because I didn't want it. I will say that again.... I did not do it because I did not want it bad enough!!!

For two years, I struggled with this every single day! It was taking its toll on me and I was mentally done!!! What I didn’t understand at the time is that this was all teaching me a valuable lesson.  Yes, it had given me the incredible lifestyle I have been able to build with this business but I didn’t want MORE…. I wanted DIFFERENT. A CHANGE.… I wanted to add something different into my life… not more. And I was fighting that feeling and thought every day and it was showing in my lack of vision, lack of passion and and lack of motivation. I spent many hours with my life coach going over this and talking about it and SHE recognized it... but It took me awhile to see it... or, let's be honest here.... to admit it. But why did I feel so guilty for wanting something different?

It was all my mindset… my garbage that I was telling myself.  My lack of honoring my true feelings or true calling. I was pleasing others, before me. Yah... I know.... not good!!! I was doing what everyone else wanted me to do and not doing what I WANTED TO DO!!!

Some of my inner words could be heard as saying, be careful, just follow the next step Amy, do what you are SUPPOSED TO DO, you can't build something new now... you are 50 years old!!! OMG....terrible or what!!!! All I can say to you from this experience, is please, please, please listen to YOUR heart!!! No one else's but your own!!!

Once I listened and honored my heart, I felt so much better!  I felt relief, I felt safe again. I realized that following you inner guidance is ALWAYS the way to go no matter what, no matter what anyone thinks or feels. It is listening to your TRUE SELF, listening to your HEART and you can never, ever, ever go wrong following your heart.

Once I understood that it was ok to want something different than I am SUPPOSED to was like a 1000 pound weight was lifted off my shoulders.  Maybe, the journey so far has brought me here to this very point with the fork in the road.  Maybe, I don’t need to go where I “think” I need to go or want what I “think” I need to want.  Does that make sense?

Maybe, I just want what I want.

Maybe, I could say yes to different opportunities. I could grow this business and do more by serving MORE people but maybe in a different way. I finally realized after months…. Ok… years… of agonizing and following the masses that I finally put my boxing gloves down and was very honest with myself… I actually said it out loud and that made it real. And fuck, it felt so good to finally be honest with myself and honor my feelings without fighting them!!!  I could still work my business but what if I added something else to my entrepreneurship that I absolutely love, something that I have wanted to do for years, something that I think, I am really good at, something that I can still help others and help people change their lives for the better..... COACHING!!!

The lack of dreams I’ve had isn’t actually a bad thing… it was just a slight shift in mindset that made me realize that this is a good thing and why do I have to do one thing, why can’t I have new dreams!!!

Damn rights I can have new dreams and I can do whatever the fuck I want, it’s my life, they are my dreams, it’s my heart and I get to choose!!!  Success might look very different for me than it does for someone else doing the same thing and that is TOTALLY OK!!!  Gosh, it feels good saying that out loud!!! I have to say that again... IT FEELS SO DAMN GOOD TO HONOR WHAT MY HEART FEELS SUCCESS IS FOR ME... YES ME!!!!

So let me ask you now… what is your definition of success? What does it look like or feel like? What are you doing? Who are you serving? Where are you? Who are you with? What business are you running…is it on your terms or theirs?   Let your success be everything about YOU and what YOU want in your life! Life is too short to keep doing what you THINK you should, or what others THINK you should be doing... life is too short to keep putting YOUR ideas and aspirations on hold.

Friends, ALWAYS follow your heart.  Even if it means you disappoint others, even if it means your success doesn’t look like theirs, even if you know something doesn’t feel right…. Just FOLLOW YOUR HEART… IT TRULY KNOWS THE WAY FOR YOU!


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